Asterix and The Mansions Of The Gods
UK English Subtitles by Chris J Capel
Senators, I tell you...
Those who escape the claws of the lion
will be poisoned by the venom of the snake!
So many animals...
- He's not being literal. - What is it?
O Caesar... what do you mean
by "venom of the snake"?
- And by "the claws of the lion"? - His classical references are really getting obscure...
The lion is the invincible power of Rome!
Like the claws of the hawk, it grips...
- There's a bird now? - Shh!
Like the claws of the hawk,
we tighten our grip on all continents,
except right here in Armorica,
where a handful of indomitable Gauls
still laugh at the Imperial Eagle.
Do you have a problem with an eagle?
These barbarians continue to refuse to become part of Rome?
So it is Rome that will go to them!
Uh... That's all? Now?
Yes, now.
This is our venom of the snake.
Their forests will give way to glorious buildings.
Surrounded by the Roman civilization,
they will have to adapt or disappear.
I have entrusted the construction
of our beautiful new city to the young architect Squaronthehypotenus.
He has designed many modern buildings,
some of which have not fallen down.
Congratulations Squaronthehypotenus! I love it.
What a beautiful little model!
Tell me, what do you call your glorious city?
- Well I thought of something... - But it wasn't very good.
Yes, it wasn't very good.
Do you have a suggestion, Senator Prospectus?
It should be a name that evokes Rome...
But which is not actually Rome.
- Rume. - Rume?
Well, it sounds like a bit like Rome.
I fear it might be confused with real Rome...
Exactly. So then, what do you think of...
The Mansions of the Gods!
The Mansions of the Gods?
I'm not sure...
Eh, it'll do I suppose.
Cuckoo!
This one's mine, Obelix.
No I saw him first.
- Really? - Absolutely!
He's running from me, not you!
Really? You talked with him?
I saw the boar first!
Is your nose red?
Come here! Mister Asterix is being childish.
You're done talking, I hope?
I'm the fastest!
To eat them!
- This is mine! - I think not!
- Yes! - No!
Yes!
Obelix!
That boar...
... is mine!
That's not your boar!
What is that, by Toutatis?
121 feet, 122, 123, 124, 125... Off, off!
126, 127,
and... 128 feet!
This is the first tree to be felled.
Aah! By Vesta! Get this dog off of me!!
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
You shouldn't hurt the trees, Roman.
Dogmatix hates that.
Come on, Dogmatix! You've had enough Roman for now.
Get out of here now!
This building site is strictly off-limits to the public. Clear?
I like Romans without armour,
they make a more pleasing sound when they fall.
O Vitalstatistix our chief, we need to talk to you!
He's in a meeting right now. Can I take a message?
I'm here.
What's going on?
The classic fish story, they're just not fresh...
What do you mean not fresh!?
I was answering a question!
So impolite.
We stumbled upon some Romans in the forest.
- Romans with rope. - What kind of rope?
Special string, for feet.
They have some sort of building site, "off-limits to the public".
Building site?
String, rope, feet, it doesn't sound too serious.
Right, back to the meeting!
We better keep an eye on this site. The Romans might be up to something.
Hey, we're making a report!
You've finished your report!
It is intolerable that these moustached barbarians
could threaten Caesar's plans!
The Gauls do not like us touching their forest.
Their forest?
Stop moving, please.
By Juno, what are they thinking?
They think it's their home. That's the problem.
We'll force the Gauls into civilization.
We're about to start full deforestation!
You'll have to do some degallicization first.
I'm counting on you for that. And I think...
- What is it, Slave Master? - Centurion, the slaves
are complaining of inactivity.
Civilization is temporarily suspended until
we begin work on degallicization.
- What? - What, "what"? - I didn't understand a word of that.
Whatever, just get out.
Squaronthehypotenus, to avoid the Gauls we'll have to work at night.
Night! I'm not afraid of these Gauls!
I think we'll be seeing a lot more of each other.
Centurion! My staff and I are confused.
Should we be pulling?
You need me to repeat it? You wait for my signal, then pull.
What is the signal again?
For the 30th time, it's when I lift my arm! Clear?!
I guess so.
What are we waiting for, by Jupiter?
The report from my scouts!
Centurion! The other legionnaires and I kindly ask you not to shout as it's dangerous.
I'll show you dangerous!
Get back in the ranks you moron!
...
What do you think you are doing?!
- You raised your arm. - I did not!
Oh yes you did!
So I gave the signal!
Ave, Centurion.
- Scouts reporting. - Where were you?
- Here! - And what did you hear?
We didn't get far because we thought we heard the Gauls...
Sorry, what... what did you say?
THE GAULS!
Gauls?! Humerus, sound the retreat!
Ave, Centurion!
Come back, you pack of chickens!
Oh, boy.
Dogmatix?
What's going on now?
The mark of the Romans.
There, Dogmatix. Everything is back to normal.
For those not right in the head, I will repeat.
- Just listen this time! - One tree in a whole night?
All I can say is,
- I don't find that very humorous! - Present!
Not you, Humerus! Right, don't just stand there!
Where is the tree we pulled down yesterday?
That's the odd thing. It is not pulled down.
What?
The tree is standing.
Standing for what?
No, standing, as in standing up again. Look.
No, it's... it's not true!
It's not true! That's impossible!
- Centurion! He should search his feelings more quietly! - Silence!
Enough is enough! We're going! We can't fight this kind of magic.
- We are not going! We're going to pull down this tree. - Again?
Yes, again, and then we'll pull it back to camp to stop it rooting again!
Wait... it's our job description about the uprooting of trees,
but transporting them is another matter...
You're slaves! Your job is to listen and to obey!
Centurion, a quiet Roman is a happy Roman!
You, shut up! And you, pull!
I'm glad I didn't bring Dogmatix.
Druid, what do we do?
I have a funny trick we can play on the Romans...
That's a funny trick?
Amazing! Did you see how fast they grew?
You mean they don't usually grow at that speed?
I have good news, and some bad news.
The bad news is the trees are back again...
The good news is our jobs remain intact. So that's good right?
So we won't give up, and everyone should pat themselves on the back for their perseverance.
- Obelix, eat slowly! - What for?
- Oh look, I've still got an acorn on me. - Don't drop that! Obelix...!
Obelix! You're going to uproot this tree, immediately!
Dogmatix wouldn't like that. Say, they do grow fast!
Let me make sure I understand you correctly...
Not only is the construction of the Mansions of the Gods not progressing well,
but also there aren't any Romans who want to live there?!
We admit we are facing some reluctance from the public.
Our citizens are reluctant to emigrate to Armorica.
Couldn't we build the Mansions nearer Rome? Then they would be far happier!
Give me a solution you imbecilic pigs
or you will end up in the Circus with the lions!
Which would make the citizens of Rome happy
without taking them far away from home!
The Circus...
That's a great idea, O Caesar!
Ha, you Greek dog! I will massacre you!
Hercules! Help! Help!
It's me, mighty Hercules!
You will pay you nasty Trojan!
You're going to die like a cockroach!
Applejus! Does it always has to be killings, massacres and bugs?
Let him be, he enjoys it.
It's crazy, it's all so violent! Where does he get ideas like that?
- Going for a triple spinner, Smalls? - Just double, Talls!
How's your neck by the way Smalls, is it getting better?
Yes, but the doctor says I have to avoid any sudden movements.
- Ready for the Bite of the Rattlesnake? - Ready, now!
I never liked that move.
I know, sorry Talls!
I only countered you three times there!
Oh no, not another ad!
We can't even slaughter properly without getting interrupted these days.
Tell me about it!
Romans! Romans!
You've had enough!
Enough of the polluted smell of the town! The noise!
The crowds! The traffic!
Well no, not really...
Escape the rat race to a vast, superb new natural park. Pure, sweet air awaits you
in new tenements where you can live like a god,
just three weeks from the centre of Rome!
The divine Caesar offers tonight
to a lucky one of you a splendid apartment in
the Mansions of the Gods!
Please view the information tablet located by your feet!
Wow! It's beautiful!
Yes... but it's in Armorica.
Where is that?
I don't know, but I think it's pretty far.
Let the big draw... begin!
The lucky winner...
is...
the holder of tablet number...
TWO!
But... it's you! Quick, go down!
Shh! I don't want to go to Armorica!
You do not even know where it is!
Who has lucky number two?
Here he is! Over here!
It's this man here!
What have we won? A gladiator?
Give him a big hand, folks
as he descends into the arena!
Oh! Look, your father's so beautiful!
He looks like a Greek hero!
Bravo!
Smile! Smile and hold up your reward!
Uh... Um... Where is Armorica?
In Gaul.
Oh yes? That is pretty far.
And if I refuse to leave?
You stay here in the arena and we'll let loose the lions.
Ah. Well, a little fresh air will do me good I expect.
Oh, yes!
My, Roman architecture is awfully impressive.
So, can you show me to my room?
We will stop wasting time and you will return to Rome
and explain that the fun is over.
Never! You hear me? Caesar gave me a mission.
And I will lead it to the very end,
even if I have to work the slaves to death!
"To work the slaves to death"?!
That's what he said.
What can we do, Getafix?
Let us think carefully.
I have an idea, but you're not going to want to hear it.
- Shall we beat them up? - That was my idea!
To protect the slaves, I have a plan.
It will require a beating, certainly,
but... only a little one.
A little beating? This exists?
1 2 3!
Excuse me, where are the slaves kept please?
Hello!
I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that I'm in a very good mood!
Ah, it's over there.
This is the magic potion that gives us superhuman strength. A gift!
I could have a little before we give it to them?
No, it's not for you!
It'll help you to run away and escape.
You are free.
First I want to say, thank you. But is running really a way to freedom?
- Pardon? - You speak of escape,
but trying to run from your problems...
isn't that just another form of slavery?
I thought it was more like the beginning of freedom.
Yet you can't run away from your problems.
These are weighty matters for discussion.
I just came to offer a potion.
Now, is drinking away problems as bad as running? We need to discuss th-
You take the potion and drink it or I will pound you into the floor!
Fair enough, fair enough.
What just happened?
A fine example of the legendary politeness of our Gallic neighbours.
Hey, it's not the time for working yet, slave!
Ouch.
From now on, we wish to have a status equal to that of the legionnaries.
We want to be able to leave the camp, have two meals a day... What?
- Three.
Fine. Three meals a day.
- That's it? - I don't think so.
When the first block of flats in the Mansions are completed,
we want to be freed.
- What? - Free.
Ah yes, yes. Additionally,
we also require more adequate accommodation.
- We don't find our current living conditions very humorous... - Present! - Shh!
You're going to accept?!
I am. It seems the prudent move.
Shake?
Come to think of it,
Roman architecture actually is pretty impressive!
Yes, the slaves have done a good job.
What are you doing there?
Centurion, there's a rumour going around
that you plan to give the slaves the same pay as us?
Can you confirm if it's true or not?
- This is mine! - No, mine!
- It is not! - Yes it is!
What are you doing?
The magic potion was to allow you to get away!
We debated it in sub-committee.
We decided the position of runaway slave does not offer good career prospects.
What do you want more than freedom, by Toutatis?
Simply to become free Roman citizens.
For that, we have to finish the building work.
We will not let you destroy our forest.
Tell your men to stop building and get away.
We will return very soon to destroy this building!
- Everyone get their Magic Potion?! - No.
Before we go into battle, I would like to give a rousing speech...
COME ON! LET'S GO!
You do not even know who you need to fight!
- Who cares? - As long as we hit someone!
We must destroy a large building in the forest!
Break everything that we come across. There, simple.
Waaaaiit!
CHAAAAAARGE!
Group 44, follow me!
What about 43?
Group 43 need to go to entrance C.
Civilians!
Oh look, a little native costume show while we wait!
I would have preferred a buffet.
Jonmarcus!
Come on, dear.
- Shall I break the big house? - No.
- Well, a column, then? - No.
- The little cart, at least? - NO!
What's the use of Romans if I can't smash anything?!
Come on, everyone. Let's go home.
I need your apartment reservation.
But this is my reservation!
It was given to us by Caesar in a competition!
What more do you need?!
- Mister Pettymous... - Petiminus.
- Petiminus, I cannot... - Hey!
Stop fidgeting or you'll throw off the proportions!
Bigger! Make that leaf bigger, Vesta!
Doing a mosaic takes a long time!
Keep moving and I'll make it smaller!
- Your mosaic has a defect. - Pardon?
- It is too big, and it's not grounded properly... - Is this really the time?
- It's just that, Patheticus... - Petiminus.
Petiminus, I'm afraid we can't accommodate you. Thank you. Next!
- We travelled for weeks to get here! - Caesar gave this to me himself!
Return tomorrow with a proper reservation form prepared. Next!
Shoo boy, I'm busy!
Lost in Armorica, with nowhere to go...
What happens if we run into the Gallic barbarians?
I hope we don't! I hate fighting.
Hercules will flatten you!
Look, he can lift a whole tree!
Can I play with your dog, mister?
Sure! He loves chasing sticks!
Right, Dogmatix?
I'm training him to fetch menhirs, but he hasn't got the hang of that yet.
Go on Dogmatix, fetch!
- Hercules! - It was bad luck.
- You said it. - What's going to hit us next?
Dad! Mom!
I found Hercules!
Who is Hercules?
- Applejus! - Let go of the child, and fight me
man to man!
I agree with you!
About what?
In a general way. You are...
Vitalstatistix, your soup is getting cold!
One minute Impedimenta! Anyway,
you are very disappointed that you have NOT had a good fight.
We took the magic potion for nothing.
The next Roman civilian I meet
I'll give him a look that he will never forget!
If a Roman civilian comes this way,
I will tell him off slightly, and he'll go away confused!
Me, me!
If a Roman civilian helps me carry my shopping, I will say thank you...
but it will not be sincere!
These are friends... They have nowhere to go.
They do not have the correct reservation.
The last time a Roman came here, was before I was born!
Civilian or not, I do not agree with having Romans in the village.
It's starting to look like a very, very small invasion attempt!
Watch out! The invaders are inv-
What are you talking about?
This is a lost family!
- But... Impedimenta... - A family is a family.
The child needs some food in him. That's all I see.
Come little boy. There's lukewarm soup.
Do not worry about these big shouting fools. Come sit down.
Asterix, village warrior.
Petiminus, mosaicist.
I would let you stay at my home, but I've got a growing foundational problem.
I blame the materials.
Obelix will put you up for the night.
So, what do we do?
About what?
The Mansions of the Gods, and us not being able to hit civilians.
Meanwhile, the work continues.
And there will be more coming.
We must find a way to get rid of the civilians
without fighting them!
- This is the spot, go! - Obelix!
I raise my horn to the health of the new residents of the Mansions of the Gods!
Ah, finally! The famous Armorican rain!
It's so much more refreshing than Rome, everyone's all dying of the heat!
- Ave! - Hello.
Hello.
- Buy my fresh fish! It's luverly! - How much do you charge
for that mackerel there?
Uh... one sesterus.
A sesterus! In Rome, a fish like that would cost five times that!
- And not so fresh either! - Five!
Oh, no, no... We, here, we're uh...
We're beside the sea so it's cheaper...?
Rome's right next to the sea.
In Rome, the sea is dirty.
I'll take three.
Yup!
Oh, very well done.
What d'you mean? You didn't expect me not to serve them just because they're Romans?
Do you realize that if you were in Rome you would have charged five sestertii each for those fish?!
I wish you were in Rome, So I wouldn't be able to smell you from here.
Application denied. Next!
- What's going on out there? - I don't know, I can't see anything.
- You know what's happening? - No, I can't see at all.
I should be able to get to sleep anyway.
Yes, it's still far quieter than all the traffic in Rome.
And here at least we get this refreshing rain!
- Ave. - Hello.
Hello.
Step right up dear ladies and gents of the Mansions of the Gods!
Four sestertii a mackerel! Still cheaper than Rome!
Oh! This antique is delightful!
Be careful! It is not just any trinket.
This is the famous shield that belonged to Vercingetorix himself.
Hey! You're making that up!
How would you get hold of antiques that belonged to Vercingetorix?
Your fish are antiques too! They stink like they've been mummified!
Application denied!
Next!
Do you know where that smell is coming from?
No, I don't see anything.
Oh well, we should be able to sleep anyway.
It still smells better and is quieter than Rome!
And we still have this refreshing rain!
- Ave. - Hello.
How much for this?
It's on special discount for residents of the Mansions of the Gods: 40 sestertii.
If it really belonged to Vercingetorix, it would cost more than three times that!
Firstly, I'm allowed to charge whatever I want! Secondly... what is three times 40?
120 sesterii.
For 40, that's a bargain!
You're ripping off those poor people!
Why don't you say your fish belonged to Vercingetorix.
The way they smell, I wouldn't be surprised!
- Wow, they're so coordinated! - Well done!
Next!
We got in!
We got in! We got in! We got in!
- We got in! We got in! We got in! - We got in!
Greetings!
Hola, I like your horns!
Well done guys!
Impressive, Squaronthehypotenus! Very impressive!
And all this in such a short amount of time!
It was not done without some difficulty, senator.
Squaronthehypotenus is happy now,
but every night last week he was crying in his tent!
- Be quiet! - Centurion!
No, no, later, later.
But your senator will be gone soon...
What is it?
I promised to free them, but I don't have the authority to do that.
You promised that?
And he paid them! And he gave them housing in the Mansions of the Gods!
- What? - We discussed it, and they beat me up.
Let me handle this.
Slaves!
By the powers conferred in me by Caesar
the Roman people
and the rest, I, Senator Gaius Prospectus, say
boom, bang, you're free.
- We are free? - Yes, you are.
Ahhh, that feels so much better, I can tell you.
Excellent. Now, do not forget to pay rent for your flats.
We understood that they were complimentary.
When you were slaves. Now you're Roman citizens,
you have to pay 15 sestertii rent per week.
15 sestertii! We can't afford that!
But I have good news!
There are construction worker positions available now on site.
The salary is 15 sestertii per week. How does that sound?
- Well, the proposal sounds acceptable... - Perfect!
You're all hired.
Uh... Squaronthehypotenus, your workers are not working.
Right you lazy dogs!
What do we pay you for? Come on, hop to it!
- To the site! - Crack that whip. And go!
This seems familiar somehow.
I have to admit, you are efficient!
No... I am a Senator!
Come and take a look at my brand new antiques!
For the best antiques, visit the expert! Passed down from father to son
since the time of Vercingetorix!
7 sestertii a mackerel!
6.99 sestertii a mackerel! Just 6.99!
Buy three fish and get a free fish!
All for the low, low price of...
No I can not sell you this shield!!
Even for 450 sestertii?
Really? I'll gift wrap it for you to go!
That's two luverly fish to the luverly couple!
Thank you!
Give us two fish.
You two eat fish now?
We have to, there aren't many boars in the forest with this mess.
That's 14 sestertii.
What? Are you joking?
It breaks my heart that prices are going up
but it is still a little cheaper than Rome.
That's daylight robbery!
Oh really? Even at seven, my fish is still cheaper then his antiques!
I'll... take... one.
- One mackerel for two? - Exactly.
You threw the fish at him! Now we have nothing to eat!
I don't think that was very wise Asterix...
You all have gone crazy!
Mr. Asterix prevents us from fighting civilians,
But when we welcome them to our village he wants us to stop!
It's ridiculous to charge 7 sestertii for mackerel!
Stop this farce and help us!
Help you with what?
Help us make the Romans leave the Mansions of the Gods!
WHAT?
To destroy the city,
we have to first empty the buildings.
And what about our customers?
When it comes to antiques, the Romans are the future.
I don't see any harm in trading with them.
The harm is that you have all become avaricious fools!
Wrong! We've always been fools!
And we are not avaricious! We don't even know the meaning of the word!
- Fine, I won't try to argue with you anymore. - Good!
- I am moving to the Mansions of the Gods! - WHAT?!
- Me too. - Me too.
I will not stay in a village that I don't even recognize anymore.
If I could interrupt, I think this would be the perfect time for a farewell song...
If that's the way things are, I'm leaving too!
The Romans will appreciate an artist like me. And I tell you...
Cacofonix!
If you're coming along, we're leaving now!
Short version: I am outraged!
We want accommodation.
Please leave the building without making a fuss...!
We do not want to make a fuss.
But... that's impossible... - Hello!
Hello! Hello!
Hello! Welcome! We will be happy to accommodate you! - What?
Squaronthehypotenus, you're even dumber than you look.
We're not supposed to give rooms to Gauls! What will Caesar say?
The Gauls want to live like Romans!
- Huh? - You fool, they've left their village!
And don't you think Caesar will reward us
if he sees that his plan has turned out even better than expected?
We don't have any rooms available!
Make... room!
No problem!
We will sort you out with something.
Hercules attacks!
Phew! All done!
We're finally at home!
Stab! Stab!
Come in!
Now what?
You have an idea, Asterix?
Perhaps, I'll have to sleep on it.
It's an odd little house. It's like a red box.
It's an apartment, Obelix.
If we knew which box belonged to Applejus,
I'd go to say hello.
Excellent.
Excellent!
The plan is working.
Now is the time to strike.
We must let all the inhabitants of that rebel village know
that they have a right to better housing
in the Mansions of the Gods!
Free housing for life!
"Beautiful free housing awaits each family of the Gallic village
in the Mansions of the Gods"?!
Free housing?
If it means not seeing your ugly faces each day, I'm taking it!
So what are you waiting for? You want a hand?
I could do with being around civilized people. Not just nutty fish and antique sellers!
I'm the chief of this village, Impedimenta. We can't go!
That's okay, I didn't say anything about you coming along.
I know what's stopping you. You're afraid to show your face there!
Who said that?
Go on, go to the Romans!
There will be less competition on the market!
Yes, shove off and leave the fish selling to the professionals!
I'm so tired of you junk dealers!
Who's a junk dealer?!
You are, you old fossil!
He's a valued member of the antiques community!
You're a valued member of the food poisoning community!
What do I do now?
Should I start?
Yes! Go ahead!
What do you think, should I start with a light ditty?
As a gentle introduction?
No no! Attack directly with something powerful!
It's a tough audience, you must make a big impression!
Well... if it needs to be powerful...
Chief!
- What are you all doing here? - After a long and delicate discussion,
we decided to move to the Mansions of the Gods and closer to our beloved customers.
As such, we strongly discourage all forms of noise pollution. Particularly songs.
Incidentally the projectile used was a seven sestertii mackerel
of the finest stopping quality.
Come on everyone! Let's unpack!
These Gauls are crazy!
That horrible noise has stopped.
Good. Let's get the luggage back to the room.
Obelix!
Oh, hello Applejus!
We're sorry for just showing up, but...
we did not know where else to go.
You did well.
Half a dozen!
Onward!
A little more...
Now this is a faithful depiction
of the architect hard at work.
Ave!
Now we shall move on to the next work of local art.
Please remain in your groups!
Groups!!
Careful with that tree! Left!
No, more left! The other left!
I'm hungry.
Now, what was I saying?
- When? - Just a moment ago.
You laughed in a rather fiendish way for a while.
- I'd say it was more diabolical... - No, before that!
I can't remember you saying anything, just laughing.
Oh wait wait, you said "finally".
Ah yes, "Finally!"
Finally, I have beaten the indomitable Gauls!
After years of humiliation that will inspire at least 36 books,
a few buildings have brought them down!
Well done O Caesar! Our victory over Gaul is complete!
No! It will only be complete
when every last scrap has been destroyed in that ridiculous village.
Ow.
I have a better idea.
Let's crush the village!
It IS pretty diabolical.
I still say it's fiendish.
That way!
- Did you see something? - No.
So why did you ask me to turn?
To change the view. There wasn't anything where we were going.
There! There! There!
Ah! Watch Out!
- So? - No, still no boars.
They've left because of all the building work.
There might be one or two left...
What's wrong?
Suddenly I'm a little tired.
Let me rest a few minutes.
I feel awful.
- I think that's because you're hungry. - You think?
That's what happens when you don't eat anything.
Don't eat? I've never heard of such a ridiculous idea.
Don't worry Obelix. I'll find you some food.
Don't move, I'll be back soon.
Don't go too far, right?
Applejus?
Dogmatix!
FORWARD!
Well? Aren't you going forward?
Our union has voted and we have decided on a general strike.
- Unanimously! - What?
We believe this is an unnecessarily dangerous assault.
This is going to be a great assault! It's to destroy the village!
We stand firm in our beliefs: War, yes... getting massacred, no!
We demand certain guarantees!
The druid must be neutralized first,
then the Gauls will no longer have their magic potion.
Are you joking, you morons?
We would also like it on record that we would like to be treated with more courtesy.
Your rudeness is quite unacceptable!
The soldiers, they're going to...
Destroy the village. I know, I heard.
"Crush the village."
The exact wording of the order coming from Rome,
is "crush the village".
Seize them!
But you haven't settled our complaints yet.
What are you talking about? It's the druid!
The one you wanted, and he's there. What else do you want?
We still need to be provided with better accommodation!
And to improve what you think of as "courtesy"!
Seize them by Juno!
That's exactly what we're talking about.
O! O! O Caesar!
There is no building tall enough... no, high enough...
to match... huh?
Wait... What's going on? What are you doing with that cage?
You haven't built a prison yet, so they'll have to stay here.
They can't stay in my Hall of Honour!
I was ordered to take the prisoners inside
and put them where the Gauls won't see them.
This is ridiculous! You can't have a lobby with a prison cage!
Zzzz.
So high... No, sooo high!
So very high!
Do not worry, Applejus. Someone will come and help us.
I know. Obelix will come, and he'll break everything.
Yes, that's usually what happens when Obelix helps.
I've got an idea!
Please accept this modest banquet in...
honour... honour...
Hey there! Stop playing around!
Honour of what?
Hercules...
Honour...
- In honour of you! - Yes!
You're even smarter than I thought, Applejus.
I don't get why you ALL want to go to the Mansions of the Gods.
You housed the slaves there!
- Our families could come and stay with us! - What?!
I have not seen my wife for 22 years!
She was pregnant then, so I might be a grandfather now!
Think of family reunification, centurion!
... Applejus?
By Toutatis, I'm so hungry! Applejus?
Applejus!
Applejus? Applejus?
Getafix?
Petiminus! Asterix! Look!
That belongs to Applejus!
Applejus is fine. He is with Ob... Obelix?
Have you seen Applejus? Has he come back to the village?
I saw this floating down the river! Let's go!
Obelix, stay and guard the vill-
I'm coming! Wait for me! Wait for me!
Obelix!
A legionnaire cannot live in a luxury property
earning 22 sestertii a day!
I only earn 10 per week!
These are our demands.
And the giant, centurion?
What giant centurion?
No. And the giant... centurion?
WHAT GIANT CENTURION?!
No! The GIANT Gaul with superhuman strength. He still remains at large.
We will not march on the village
if he is not neutralized too.
And how I am supposed to neutralize him...
That is not our concern!
- Nothing could stop that brute! - Hun-gry...
Stop doing that, centurion!
You'll wake him!
Accept this modest meal...
No, this modest banquet...
You're giving me more prisoners?!
Quiet, architect! You'll wake him!
We were ordered to hide this one from the Gauls too.
By the gods! They have Obelix!
What about the other two hanging by the mosaic?
Your mosaic stinks!
- Silence! - My dad said it has a defect!
Quiet! We have to quickly hide him in a secure place!
And a quiet place!
We run all the way down the river and we haven't seen anything of Applejus!
At least we... passed... without getting noticed.
Hey!
Now what are you doing?
We're going down the other side of the bank!
Quick!
Dulcia! Wait for me!
I hope they didn't make us get up early for nothing.
Even when we visited the dolmens
it wasn't this early.
Group C, gather around me!
I hope they're going to give us breakfast.
They have water, at least that's something.
Please pay attention.
We have the unique opportunity this morning to be able to view
an extremely rare and interesting event.
Attack... Please!
Archers at my command,
please be kind enough to fire!
We have to do something!
Like what?!
I don't know! Go talk to the centurion!
What centurion?
Would you kindly attack that little shrimp!
What? I said "would you kindly"!
If the enemy has the magic potion, we're not fighting!
They haven't! That's why we imprisoned the druid
in the Mansions of the Gods!
- Druid? - Our druid?
And the giant, too!
Giant?
Our giant?
That's not strawberry juice he drank!
He's tricking you, it was empty!
Empty? Didn't you hear him gulp?
It's fine for you, you're safe up there centurion!
You think we're as dumb as that?
Well... fine, I get it, I'll come down.
Just a moment...
They've got a good point, but eventually you have to say...
Enough!
So you have superhuman strength?
You want me to punch you into the air? Then you can tell me if it feels superhuman.
What are you waiting for then, my permission?
I'm reserving my first punch for a certain few Roman civilians!
That lot of traitors!
I hope you are proud of yourself, wearing your ridiculous Roman clothes!
It's Gallo-Roman...
You, Vitalstatistix our chief! You have deserted your village!
- What? - I'll teach you to desert your village.
What do you mean?
I'm now going to give you a massive punch
thanks to the magic potion...
... I just drink. Are you ready?
Ready for what?
To punch you so hard
that it will send you flying to the other end of the forest.
By Toutatis, what power! This can only be true magic potion!
And as for you...!
This is for your stinking fish!
By Bélénos! What a punch!
Have your antique back, you swindler!
Ahh! My sweet Armorica,
I wet your sweet earth with my blood!
I just wish for a time of peace without such savage beatings!
So... do they have the potion or not?
Have, haven't... I honestly don't know anymore!
I have to go free Obelix and Getafix.
Keep the Romans busy while I'm gone.
Asterix, I'm so sorry...
Enough, I'll beat you up more about it later!
Friends! Our dear village is threatened.
This is the time to drink a generous swig of our magic potion!
No more Gallo-Romans?
- Yes, down with Gallo-Romans! - HOORAY!
Centurion... in military terms, what do we do by Jupiter?
I honestly don't know about that either.
We're screwed.
Asterix! Quick! Applejus must be there,
we think he's been imprisoned!
Why in there?
Because it can only be there!
Open by Juno or I'll bang on the door slightly harder!
Applejus!
The reception is closed, by Vesta!
Open up, architect!
- Asterix! - Getafix!
How many are in there?!
Get out or I'll send for the guards!
Guards! Get them!
Mother! We're up here!
- Applejus! - Free the prisoners this in-
Release them release them release them!!
When I tell you that the mosaic has a defect...
it has...
a...
DE...
FECT!
Applejus!
You know what?
You can say that again.
Daddy!
What have you done with Obelix, architect?!
We don't have time to look for him Asterix!
We need to make the magic potion immediately
and I need to give it to everyone.
Ow!
Sorry, I was on the toilet. Did I miss anything?
It's been an hour since you started debating!
Are you going to attack us or not?!
It depends, are you going to beat us up or not?
It's very probable, yes.
Well, we'll need to take a vote.
Who is for a very fast retreat?
And who is for getting beaten up?
We're going to retreat.
Oh boy...
- Kids, let's go play! - YEAH!
- Someone took my salt! - A dog took my drink!
That mackerel cost seven sestertii!
Yes, yes, no, yes, no...
That... oh yes! That yes too!
Wait, what's that?
Hurry, Getafix! Hurry!
Shouldn't you be taking cover in your apartment, centurion?
I don't have an apartment. You've taken them all!
They are out of breath?
We never usually have time to flee, or hide
Hey...
What more do you need to believe that they do not have the potion? A note from Caesar?!
Come on, kids... Charge...!
What's going on here?!
Where is he?
He is here! Ah, my Caesar!
No building is big enough
to match the size of Caesar's head!
Uh, we have prepared this glorious banquet
to bear witness to your majesty! - I think not.
Do you imagine that I came all the way from Rome to eat?
Not even a little tart?
The only little tart I see is right here! Throw away all that rubbish!
Immediately!
When Caesar says "throw away all"
it ALL gets thrown away!
Yeah, that's true that is.
Seize the Gauls!
Getafix, hurry!
Nearly there, just a moment!
Asterix!
Don't! The potion isn't ready!
It's not ready!
Getafix?
You've lost, Gaul. Once again, Rome proves stronger.
Admit it!
And submit to your Caesar.
I will never submit.
I am... Asterix the Gaul...
Senator, I was assured that the Gauls had given up and become Roman.
Oh, they have! They have!
O Caesar!
Look here! Their greatest warrior is defeated!
Take a look at your prisoners!
The country of the wild moustache
is finally eradicated! And this stupid
little arrogant warrior
will now join his fat accomplice
in the dungeon!!
Obelix!
I... am... not... FAT!!
Attack!
- Attack! - ATTACK!
Charge!
Please!
Obelix!
Open! By the order of Caesar!
What are they doing out there?! Are they coming up to help?
Yes, you could say that.
Shoot him archers... please!
If you would kindly fi-
The final touch!
You... shall not... pass!
Get lost, wizard.
Well... I guess it isn't lemonade!
Friends, our freedom is again threatened by the insidious tentacles of-
LET'S GO BEFORE HE FINISHES TALKING!
The Mansions of the Gods hope you had a pleasant stay,
and invites you to return to Rome immediately by the exits provided.
Please get out of our country and have a safe journey home.
This man, Obelix, I think he's yours.
- Of course! - You saw him first after all.
Watch out!
Up!
Oof! Ow! Ouch!
Start fighting back you chickens!
I demand to speak to the manager!
The manager's called Caesar, ma'am.
But I thought you were against running?
It's a long story. We had a long meeting of the Former Slaves Association,
and we decided that running as free Roman citizens was acceptable.
The arguments put forward concluded-
Well, as least you're free to make your own mistakes.
Hercules!
Whatever you think about me, Gauls, I hope you have the dignity to let...
You are one to talk about dignity, Julie!
- What? - Dignity.
The Mansions of the Gods was a sneaky, deceitful, and cowardly plan. You should be ashamed.
At least I try new ideas. Sometimes it works, sometimes...
It doesn't work. You're going back to Rome immediately, and take the civilians.
You owe them an apology, and a luxury accommodation each.
And just you remember that there is a village in Armorica
that will continue to prove itself stronger than Rome time and time again.
HOORAY!
Well, Veni, Vidi, Vici... nothing.
We don't conquer every time, it seems.
Come on everyone, there's a nice banquet waiting for us in Rome.
But I fell into the potion when I was a baby.
So, I'm not allowed to drink!
Yes, we know... I think you're owed a small sip.
Thank you for everything, Astérix.
Rome will seem far less exciting to us now.
Here, Petiminus.
A memory of Armorica,
compliments of an old Gallic druid.
Here's a replacement for your figurine, Applejus.
I'm sorry, that's all I know how to carve.
Applejus...
Oh no! A menhir!
And this is for you!
Friends, Romans!
For your entertainment today... it's amazing!
It's terrible! It's great!
Okay Smalls, when you're down there, you start with a blow to my liver.
Then you turn around
toward Big Nose for a sun projection.
Wait, I'm Big Nose? Can I change that?
Then we'll try the Venom of the Snake.
I hope that's an easy one, not like the ones we did in training.
Uh... the Venom of the Snake...
What does that involve again?
Immobilization, then strangulation.
We repeated it three times!
Do as we did in training and you will not get hurt.
But we all got hurt in training!
It'll be fine.
Try not to get maimed.
Thank the divine Caesar
for providing us with some brand new gladiators!
AVE CAESAR! AVE CAESAR!
AVE CAESAR!
Get me out of this tree! Or I'll put you all in with the lions!
Guards, fetch enough lions to eat 75,000 people!
Beautiful! He has an incredible talent, that Petiminus!
How nice, he dressed you wearing Gallish clothes for once.
Great, the sarcasm's started.
I dressed as a Roman in order to catch the enemy by surprise!
Exactly!
Hey! We are Gauls! No civilization at the dinner table!
Traitor!
Who is a traitor?
Intolerable, we are!
Wait, no...
Irresponsible!
YES!
That's not right either. Irreplaceable? Inflexible? Irritable...?
UK English Subtitles by Chris J Capel Thanks for watching!
I told him straight: Give us the last word or we'll strike.
Right, show's over! Ave!